Live, Love, Learn

this year was a big roller coaster ride for me. it started on a high note that got extremely sour towards the end. when i look back though, i don’t have utter contempt for it. i think that this past year was definitely one of the best in my life. i traveled to places i had never been before, i found myself a great set of friends, experienced so many new things, and felt a sense of accomplishment like none other. i also found some disappointment when it came to school, almost dropped out of my major a few times, and my life took a very unexpected turn towards the end of the year.

i learned a lot about myself, as well as others. i found great friends in people i hadn’t expected it from, and learned new things about friends that i thought i already knew everything about. some situations and relationships that i thought i had completely figured out surprised me and took a detour that i did not see coming. a detour that i now have no idea how to handle because it has baffled me beyond all reason.

i think its safe to say that given the terms on which my year is ending, the beginning of 2012 is going to be something incredible, either in a good way or a bad. at this point i have no idea what the next 12 months hold for me in terms of friendships, relationships, and academics. i only hope that at least some, if not all of it, is good to me. in terms of a resolution, i don’t even know what to promise to myself about the next year. i feel that i have matured a good deal as a person in the last year. i came to terms with some difficult decisions and situations and learned to cope with things i hadn’t been able to before. i also had some of the most insanely fun and unique experiences of my life, for which i am extremely thankful.

for the next year, i pray that it brings good things. things i have wanted for a while, things i have only wanted recently, things that will help me have a safe and bright future. i hope that the unforeseen detour that my life has taken me on leads me to a good place. as for my resolution, i suppose that it would be that i hold on to the maturity and strength within myself that i have found in the last year, so that if and when things do go wrong, i can handle it all. that i won’t just break down under the pressure, that i can still carry myself through it all and come out only a better person. 

i hope that 2012 brings me more prosperity and happiness than 2011 did.

before i start the content of this post, i’d like to note the fact that i haven’t posted on here in a month. that’s pretty ridiculous. and there are a couple factors contributing to this. the first one is the origin of my previous two posts, reddit. more time browsing reddit = less time browsing tumblr which means less posts and reblogs for me. the other factor is school. i’ve had so much work these days that i never have time to just sit down and write about stuff like before.

but back to this post, as the title implies, it has something to do with wanting what you can’t have. always thinking the grass is greener on the other side. it’s really hard to appreciate things or people in your life sometimes. when something is always there, it’s easy to take it for granted. it’s easy to assume that it will always be a constant presence in your life. it’s not until it is taken away from you that you realize what you had and what you have now lost.

but when you see something far off, in the distance, you want it, you need it. you can’t quite see what it is or maybe you can but you don’t really know what it would feel like to have it, so you want to know. and until you get it you are not satisfied. perhaps it stays just out of reach, teasing you with its presence but never truly becoming yours. it’s things like those that you can’t have or can’t always have that you want. the things that you’ve tasted the presence of before, so you know how good it feels. but then it’s taken away from you and doesn’t return easily. you almost have to drag it back to you forcefully.

i wish i would appreciate more what i have or what i have had in the past instead of constantly looking for something that isn’t there. instead of going out and searching for love or friendship or companionship, i should see the love, the friendship, the companionship that is already mine, and be content with it. it can be really hard to remind oneself of what is really important and who is really important when it comes down to it, because one can so caught up in what isn’t theirs that they forget what is. i hope i can stop making this mistake, and learn to be thankful for everything in my life rather than hurt over what i don’t have.

…tumblr is much less exciting.

the concept seems to completely escape me. although, i did get a significant chunk of work done, considering it was something i wasn’t going to start until this weekend. i’m glad i got a ‘head start’ even though i’m behind my classmates because i have had a lot of other work to do. still trying to squeeze in GRE studying. i will just have to not do anything during the day on weekends to make up for all that i’ll be doing at night. midterms are starting soon as well, i have to get back into full study mode. it’s been hard to do so since my classes this semester are pretty chill, so far at least. i think the main culprit of any unproductiveness (that’s not a word) is my ADD. i swear i have ADHD or ADD or whatever it’s called. i can’t look at something for five minutes without opening up facebook or my email or looking for someone to talk to. i need concentration. but i can’t seem to find any.